There’s usually lots of Jollof, plenty money being sprayed, music and enjoyment galore. However, getting into these events without an invite is not for the faint-hearted. These days, people do ridiculous things like hiring bouncers and giving out VIP tickets, just so you won’t come and eat out of their Jollof and celebrate with them. Nawa o.
Anyway, because we’re always here for you, we decided to put together a sure fire guide that will get you into any party or Owambe.
N.B: Mogbo moya is not for the fainthearted. If you’re caught and thrown out in disgrace, we don’t know you o!
1. Dress to kill
You have to dress the part o. Even if the outfits are borrowed. If you don’t have the chosen ‘aso ebi’, make sure you find nice white lace to don. For the men, you should have your well starched and crisp white agbada, Yoruba demon style. For the ladies, have your tailor hook you up with a nice style, Lagos big girl style or something from Aso Ebi Bella. Everything has to be on fleek. By the time the bouncers see how well you’re dressed, they will be reluctant to ask you for your invitation.
2. Time yourself well
You should not arrive at the event too early. Be fashionably late, so they can think that you’re a VIP.
3. Forge an invitation card
Like the boy scouts say, ‘Be prepared’. You need to be prepared for anything o. Something might happen and the bouncers might ask for your invitation card. Find out what the invitation card looks like and replicate it. I mean, Nigerians forge certificates, so finding someone to forge an I.V for you should not be too difficult.
4. Find a pack
To successfully accomplish your mission of getting into the venue, find a way to attach yourself to a group of people and enter with them. Make sure that the Invitation card does not say ‘admits only one’ before you try this.
5. Fake a phone call
When you get to the entrance, fake a phone call. Make sure you’re with an expensive phone o. Pretend like you’re talking to a very important person, Dangote or Buhari will do. The bouncers will even hail you as you waltz in.
6. Pick your seat very carefully
The key to a successful “mogbo moya” is making sure you sit somewhere that’s not really obvious, and you sit with people who are not close to the celebrants. You don’t want people throwing surprise questions at you too. Direct the conversation. Talk about things like the economy and how hard it was to find somewhere to park
7. Eat well
The major reason you’ve gone through the stress of gatecrashing a party is to enjoy their food. So eat well. Do it with class, though, and make sure nobody sees you pouring food into takeaway packs. Don’t eat what you don’t know, if you don’t want to get stuck in the toilet throughout.
8. Don’t dance too much
You might be tempted to do all the shoki styles you know and heat up the dance floor, but remember that you have a fake reputation to live up to. Don’t dance excessively. Your major preoccupation should be how to stealthily pick naira notes being sprayed without being caught.
9. Take as many souvenirs as you can
Souvenirs are usually in circulation at every Owambe. Graciously accept as many as you can.
10. Don’t overstay your welcome
Like we mentioned above, timing is essential. Make sure you know when to take your leave quietly. On your way out, give the bouncers some of the mint naira notes you got from the dance floor. Lagos is small, you never know when you’d meet them at another event.