It’s common to think you are in love when all you are feeling is infatuation.
Infatuation is a strong, overpowering feeling. It can make you do the most unheard of, insane things for the sake of your intense feelings for the object of your infatuation. However, while you may think that you’re head-over-heels in selfless love, what you feel is only like a candle’s flame. It’s not something that will last.
This is how to know whether what you are feeling is infatuation or love:
1. You lose focus most of the time.
You’re doing one thing, but your mind is wandering off to thoughts about your crush. Whether you’re at work, in school, doing chores, or even hanging out with other people, you can’t seem to perform at your once-optimum level because your focus is not on what’s in front of you. Instead, you’re constantly letting your thoughts of that special someone totally consume your focus and drive.
2. You keep worrying about them leaving you.
If they forget to call, you wonder if you did something wrong and if it will affect your relationship negatively. If they are not looking at you the way they normally do, you question if they are going to leave you forever. These intense feelings can make you think you love them so much you don’t want to lose them, but really you are just being insecure and infatuated. You are not confident in how they feel about you. Love is confident. You don’t panic at the first sign of a frown or forgotten phone call, because you know that you have a bond that isn’t going to break so easily.
3. You keep talking about them.
Since everything reminds you of this person, naturally, you can’t stop talking about them. A friend asks you how you are, and you just find a way to link your new bae into that answer. If your friends are understanding, they will let you gush over your crush non-stop but normally, people will see you as weird and annoying.
4. You are in love with superficial things.
I hear a lot of people say that they love the way someone looks or walks or talks or laughs, and claim that they fell in love with someone just by watching them. That’s impossible! You don’t connect to the superficial things in a person, you connect to the internal things, such as how they feel, what they believe, what their hopes and dreams are, and how they treat other people. If you love the way they sing or look, then that’s infatuation. If you know them on a deep and personal level, and appreciate those things, then that is love.
But if to you, your crush’s eyes are suddenly the brightest, warmest, most beautiful sight you are infatuated. You can’t get enough of how their hands look and feel, and in fact, even a whiff of his cologne or her perfume from miles away can make your heart do somersaults. It’s like everything about this person is perfect.
5. Number-one follower.
In this age of social media, it’s so easy to stalk your object of infatuation. You follow them on all their social media accounts, “like” all their posts, and even drop in some eager comments every now and then just so they won’t notice how much you’re into them. Not only that, but you’ll also spend hours each day just going over all of their posts and photos again and again. That’s infatuation.
6. You want to do things quickly.
Infatuation is all about making things happen now. You want them to love you and commit to you and be your one and only because you are scared that you are going to lose them if you don’t. But love doesn’t work that way. Love takes time to build, and if you are in love with someone, you enjoy the process of getting to know them and building your relationship with them one step at a time.
7. You get too excited when you see them.
When you see them, you go insane. It’s like cupid hit you with two arrows packed with some feel-good drug, because you can’t help but feel all giddy and elated. Even when you simply see them from afar, you’re swooning like you’re going to have a heart attack. And when they approach you, even just to say hello, the hit is so strong that you almost feel as if you’ve died and gone to heaven.
8. You see them like a superhero.
It’s common to put someone we are infatuated with on a pedestal so high above ourselves that feel we are lucky that they can even see us. In short, we make them out to be something they are not. If all you can see is perfection in them, then it’s infatuation vs love. Nobody is perfect, no matter how much it seems that way. Every one of us has faults and makes mistakes and can get a bit annoying to other human beings. When you truly love someone, you can see them for who they are – the good and the bad – and love them anyway.
9. You drop everything for them.
When you’re infatuated, you’re willing to drop everything at the beck and call of your crush or object of infatuation. You’re struggling to finish some work, but one phone call from them and you are suddenly out the door, not caring if your boss will fire you the next day because you put your work on hold.
10. You stop feeling “in love” when tough times come through.
Infatuation is about wanting to be connected to someone. But, when tough times come up, you quickly become aware of how disconnected you really are from them. You realize that all you wanted was the fun. You didn’t get into this for the troubles. But when you are in love, you are there for someone no matter what they are going through. You have a connection. You are a team. You work through issues, both in your relationships and in your individual lives, together. You never feel alone because you know the person who loves you will always be there for you.
11. You are extremely defensive whenever someone warns you about that person.
The person might have a really crooked history but you don’t want to hear about it. To you they are perfect. Anyone trying to tell you otherwise is seen as jealous. This is until the truth finally hits you.