Kenyans love their meat.
There are millions of butcheries scattered all over towns and estates and in them, you will meet different kinds of people.
Here are some of the most common characters:
1. The complainer.
Common phrases uttered by the complainer include “hiyo mafuta ni mingi sana” or “sitaki hiyo mfupa.” Surprisingly, complainers tend to be ‘nyama quarter’ people. Butchery guys hate them because they mostly buy too little yet complain too much. But you just have to understand where they are coming from. If half of ‘nyama quarter’ was bones, what would someone be left with? Nothing. I used to complain a lot too back when my pocket was like Brazil’s economy.
2. The ‘mass’ buyer.
This person buys so much meat you would think they’re going to feed 5000 people like Christ. Maybe there’s a bash, but still…too much. You’ll find them buying the same amount every day and wonder where it all goes to.
3. The instructor.
They give instructions on everything, from how the hanging chunk of meat is sliced to how it’s cut into small pieces. “Kata ile iko pale kwa corner,” the say. “Alafu ukate piece ndogo ndogo sana.” Sometimes they request for the meat to be re-weighed since they don’t want even a shilling to go to waste.
4. The impatient one.
This one comes and stands for a few minutes before they decide that they are too good to wait, so they leave. The impatient fellas can’t wait even if it’s just one person getting served. To them, it’s better to go back home and do lots of nothing than stand in a butchery. Ain’t nobody gat time for that.
5. The yapper.
They engage the butchery guy in lots of irrelevant but sweet conversations as the rest of you are forced to stand and listen. In most cases, the yapper is always a mboch, a mother or a person who is seeking to get some meat on debt by sweet-talking the butchery guy.
6. The ‘one word’ buyer.
These ones treat words like internet bundles. It’s like words are gonna run out if they use them too much. They are the opposite of the yappers. When they’ve come to buy meat, they’ll just shout “nusu” and that’s it. No further communication between them and the butchery guy.
7. The bully.
This fella shows up and goes on to order directly even after seeing that there are a couple of people waiting. These people tend to have an authoritative voice that the butchery guy can’t ignore. Of course, the rest of the people tend to lament but the bully doesn’t care. Being inconsiderate is part of their DNA.